Pah. This isn't a negative post, more a resigned one. It's been a weird old couple of weeks, not sure if I'm here or there.
Had a job, tried my best, bent over backwards, go taken advantage of, left. Seems to be a pattern.
Happens with people sometimes too. Make a friend, have fun, lend an ear, need an ear, nothing. People might describe me as "not very assertive", but I'd rather call it trusting and quiet.
I do wonder about "growing a pair" and telling people where to go, but if I ever slightly raise my voice they go all mock-shock and act like I'm insane. And I may very well be, because arguing just ain't my bag, baby. I'd far rather bitch behind your back and not make the effort again, I'm afraid.
Even when people are complete A-holes, I still make excuses for them and protect them, "maybe they were bullied", "maybe they are jealous", "maybe they're just not happy", and by always seeing the good or vulnerability in people I am a PERFECT victim for all sorts, I imagine.
Those mental shouty people in the street? Always come to me. The woman who is about to faint in public? Always on me. The lost kid? That's right, they come to me.
I used to think it was a weakness, and don't get me wrong, it still is pretty fecking annoying, but I guess in a way I must be thought of as reliable? Kind of safe? (yeah, or a MUG)
Anyway, tonight as I sip the last of a bottle of vino, I find myself thinking that any boss who I have abandoned because I don't like being spoken to a certain way, will surely one day respect my integrity. And surely those mates who are ever distant when they don't need me, will be ever so grateful when they do, and I am still here.
Had a job, tried my best, bent over backwards, go taken advantage of, left. Seems to be a pattern.
Happens with people sometimes too. Make a friend, have fun, lend an ear, need an ear, nothing. People might describe me as "not very assertive", but I'd rather call it trusting and quiet.
I do wonder about "growing a pair" and telling people where to go, but if I ever slightly raise my voice they go all mock-shock and act like I'm insane. And I may very well be, because arguing just ain't my bag, baby. I'd far rather bitch behind your back and not make the effort again, I'm afraid.
Even when people are complete A-holes, I still make excuses for them and protect them, "maybe they were bullied", "maybe they are jealous", "maybe they're just not happy", and by always seeing the good or vulnerability in people I am a PERFECT victim for all sorts, I imagine.
Those mental shouty people in the street? Always come to me. The woman who is about to faint in public? Always on me. The lost kid? That's right, they come to me.
I used to think it was a weakness, and don't get me wrong, it still is pretty fecking annoying, but I guess in a way I must be thought of as reliable? Kind of safe? (yeah, or a MUG)
Anyway, tonight as I sip the last of a bottle of vino, I find myself thinking that any boss who I have abandoned because I don't like being spoken to a certain way, will surely one day respect my integrity. And surely those mates who are ever distant when they don't need me, will be ever so grateful when they do, and I am still here.
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