You can't escape your baby.

THEY infiltrate every bit of your life. Haha, "life"!

I was out. Out out. Out on my own, minus toddler, with adults, in the real world, doing real world stuff. It felt bizarre.
Something required me to have a pen. "I have a pen!"
I do have a pen in my bag. But when I grope about my bag I pull out 5 crayons, at various stages of being eaten, a pen mysteriously wrapped in a tissue which seems a bit risky, and a water pen for an Aquadraw mat. Which has leaked, obvo.

Then when it comes to writing I find myself "sounding out" the words, and discover I can't actually spell, or write anymore. Sigh.

OK, screw that, I'm off to the bar. What do I want? Err, that fruity looking thing? HOW MUCH?? Oh god. After a few sips of liquid gold or whatever the fuck it is, and a few rounds of "Is that kid old enough to be in here" I'm off to the loo. Yes it is the fifth time I've gone tonight, problem?

Wow, what have they done to the mirrors in here? They make you look all haggard and fat and.... oh.... ANYWAY, where's my lipbalm?

Here's a hairy dummy, oh bless. Three packets of raisins, hmm... maybe later. A plastic necklace, oh I used to wear those in an "ironic" way, SIGH. Some duplo bricks. A LIP BALM! Ah, it has been smooshed. Over a cute little face which I am trying to forget right now so I can get drunk and be irresponsible! Agh!

Right, let's get drunk! Let's take an essential photo for Facebook to prove how cool we are! CHEEEEESE! Oh look, don't we look stupid, oh that's my daughter... Yeah she was being so daft. In this one it's her birthday, yeah I know cute right? Oh nooooooooo...

I'M GOING HOME. It's only 10.30. I DON'T CARE.

Ahh. Warmth and bed. Why are there stickers all over my pyjamas? And a puzzle on the floor?

Peppa fucking Pig get out of my fucking bed!!!!!!!!

Comments

Now we are Five, and going to school!

I have no excuses, my blogging has totally dried up. I kept thinking of LOADS of ideas for blog posts, but didn't want to write because either nobody would read them, or because there are already a ton of "mummy bloggers" already doing it. Well, SCREW that. I love writing and talking shit, so I need to get it out, regardless! SO... Time has gone by and this little dumpling: has grown sooooooo much into this rather smart schoolgirl: And I'm sure I'm the same as every mother in that looking at those two photos makes me want to cry! She is a completely different person! Oh how I miss those chubby little cheeks and huge eyes! It seems like a world away, and also only yesterday. School has brought with it a whole new set of worries, achievements and well, confusion. I thought I'd know it all as a teacher, but nothing prepares you for THE OTHER SIDE. When I was teaching and parents dropped their kids off at school and insi...

Does it offend you yeah?

OFFENSIVE. What is offensive? That which is offensive to you is different to that which is offensive to moi. Or so they might say. They probably wouldn't say that as it sounds weird. I am somewhat confusicated this week. I made a request on a Facebook group page of local people for a hitman. Not a bunk bed, not a local antenatal class, and not a dildo. I can't help but think the dildo would have offended less... Just in case it needs clarifying, it was a comedic, sarcastic, immature joke. I live in a rather well-to-do, slightly racist, middle class town with twenty too many old people's homes and it's the kind of place where the introduction of a new Lidl store causes heart attacks. It's very pleasant here, but locals actually get a kick out of queueing at the post office, it's like a hobby. I'm pretty sure the "tut" originated in this neck of the woods. ANYWAY. My joke "distressed" a lot of people and I was virtually spanked an...

Closing?

Hey, long time no write! I have been quite busy lately, and it has led me to make a few decisions... My small Daphne duck is 3 now, and goes to nursery a few days a week. We need a new fence, and an MOT for the car, and I'm getting fed up of socks and pants with holes in (definitely not the kinky kind). I need to go back to "real" work. With real money, which can actually pay for stuff. I'm teaching again now, and it's fine, but it takes up a lot of time. And I'm knackered. I also happened to get a lot of orders this month, GREAT! My effort and marketing is finally paying off! However, completing these orders has been tricky. Stressful. I've even let a couple of people down, and I am not a fan of that at all. And if it isn't fun, I don't want to do it. Poor old Daph is having to cope with a lot of changes at the moment, two different nurseries, no mum at her beck and call every minute (phew!) and her sleeping pattern is all over the plac...

The Daphne Tree

Search This Blog