Skip to main content

My Massive Pants

I have finally given in.
Long have I loved the security of the massive pant, all that bum coverage and high enough tummy protection.
I do remember a "brief" period (mwah ha) of adventurously buying brightly coloured, bow- ridden thongy things, I think it was in the first years at uni, when boyfriends were new and alcohol was still in my system on the next morning's shopping trip. Using public launderettes also helped I guess, wanting to look "shexy" plus being the better side of a size 12.

I still thought though, years later, that I could mask the full granny pants effect, a lovely lacey waistband, plain black, no one need even know that I am getting older... and wider...

M&S ran out of my favourite knickers though, and as I had typically left it until the very last, draughty, threadbare, elastic-pinging moment to get new undies, in desperation I grabbed these beauties.

Just look at them.

I keep thinking someone has put their ancient relative's washing in with mine. I actually can't believe I'm wearing them. Is this "letting yourself go"? They're even floral, for fuck's sake.

Comfy as fuck too, obviously, but what have I done?

I turned to wearing leggings a long time ago, they are a staple for me more than jeans ever were, and I do love a good smock. No one could ever accuse me of being fashionable, modern or even a flattering dresser, and I have never cared amazingly about that, but the pants? These pants are a bridge too far. But I don't think there's any turning back, not now.

Perhaps the time has come, at the grand old age of 35, for me to stop giving a flying monkeys. I keep waiting to feel like a grown up, but OAPs tell me it never happens! I'm very definitely a grown-up, I have a house, a child, bills to pay and cleaning to do. Somehow these things have happened over the last ten years and I still don't believe I'm an adult.

But these pants, my god.
These pants tell me I'm ancient as fuck.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Going Vegan, Three steps forward...

A few years ago my husband and I (because apparently I'm the Queen) decided to become "weekday vegetarians" and only treat ourselves to carcasses at the weekend. This decision came from various discussions and also reading and watching some things.

I'm not pushy about it to other people at all, but I also try not to engage in arguments unless they have seen:
Forks Over KnivesVegucatedWhat the Health Or read: How Not To Die- Dr Michael GregerEating Animals- Johnathan Safran Foer At the time of watching all these things I was fascinated and borderline obsessed with these things I, a fully grown adult woman (some might say overgrown) had no idea about. Such as, how do cows make so much milk? What happens to male baby chicks? Why don't we eat dog?
When I wasn't pondering naive questions out loud, I was googling the answers, and finding a lot of information which was not pretty. This is another one of these "conventional" things we do because we've alw…

10 Ways having a dog is NOT like having a baby

You've all heard it! Here is why it is not the same. Feel free to add some!

1. You can give them away.

2. It is acceptable to lock them in a cage.

3. You can leave them outside the supermarket.

4. Convention says you chuck them in the boot of the car.

5. You feed them by putting a bowl of mush on the floor when you feel like it.

6. Their teeth shouldn't go anywhere near your nipples. Ideally.

7. They don't ask why.

8. You take them to the vet once a year if you're lucky (rather than the doctor every week).

9. When they wake you up at the crack of dawn you can throw them a bone and shout at them to shut up.

10. They don't have to go to god damn awful birthday parties.

Now we are Five, and going to school!

I have no excuses, my blogging has totally dried up. I kept thinking of LOADS of ideas for blog posts, but didn't want to write because either nobody would read them, or because there are already a ton of "mummy bloggers" already doing it.

Well, SCREW that. I love writing and talking shit, so I need to get it out, regardless!


Time has gone by and this little dumpling:

has grown sooooooo much into this rather smart schoolgirl:

And I'm sure I'm the same as every mother in that looking at those two photos makes me want to cry! She is a completely different person! Oh how I miss those chubby little cheeks and huge eyes! It seems like a world away, and also only yesterday.
School has brought with it a whole new set of worries, achievements and well, confusion. I thought I'd know it all as a teacher, but nothing prepares you for THE OTHER SIDE.  When I was teaching and parents dropped their kids off at school and insisted on lingering, I'd roll my eyes an…