Parenting

Monday, 11 March 2013

Dya wanna be in my gang?


Everyone knows they’re part of a gang. But the gangs shift. A LOT.
I was in the “loads of friends, pretty, clever, healthy, happy” gang. Then I was in the “alcoholic father” gang. Then the “cheated on” gang. Then the “dead dad” gang. Then the “married” gang, and then the “baby” gang, and I’m now graduating from the “traumatic birth” gang into the “only one child gang”.  Bear with me, I’m not being depressing! I hope…

I’m also realising that you’re always in a gang, and it’s a gang of one. There is no way that anyone can be in exactly the same boat as you. No one is better off than you, and no one is worse off. We’re all just us, right? Some things can’t even be directly compared.

I have no doubt that for lots of girls in particular, while you’re single it’s an eternal quest for the perfect man, and then you have to get a ring, and then you have to get a baby, then another baby. Then you want a nicer house, a bigger kitchen. A dog? Then you retire. Then…? But it NEVER works like that, and  if it does, do you think you will be happy? 

More likely, things will get in the way. Someone will hurt you.  You might think marriage is stupid. You might get ill. Someone will die. You might never find “the one”.  People  will lie to you. Things will go wrong. You might win the lottery, it might be shit. 

But everyone loves putting themselves in a group. I’m in a “birth trauma” group (FFS right?)  and can you believe it, a woman who’d had two traumatic births and then a decent one dared to complain that she didn’t feel welcome. That’s because you’re not, we hate you. Go and find a happier group.  

Mumpreneurs. They’ve got a group. I don’t really understand why, but everyone has a gang. They are mums but they want people to know they’re also businesswomen. OK.

Wah Wah Wah, my dad/ grandma/ baby/ dog/ houseplant died. It’s fucking sad, but join the club, if none of those have happened to you, your days are numbered…

I’m pretty sure if I only have one child I’ll be in a minority. Having no children seems even more rare. Is there a different gang for each number? I know someone with four children who sees themselves as an authority on child rearing. It’s an achievement for her. Is that right? I really respect people who choose not to have kids. It makes much more sense to me than having four. But that’s my gang isn’t it. 

People define themselves as a Mum, a City person, a vegetarian….

Some groups are bigger than others, which I reckon makes it easier. If you don’t know anyone else in your gang it kind of sucks. BUT you can bet if you’re in all the biggest groups you’re really boring :)

Last week I didn’t want to blog because I was definitely in the “never trust anyone” camp, as in, we’re all in different groups, I can’t associate with ANYone! But this week I’m more, “Hey, we’re all human!” (except you damn dirty apes)

It’s late, and I’m not sure how much sense this makes! But it makes sense to me… the grass is NOT always greener, the perfect life does not exist, happiness is subjective…
So, if you think something will make you happy, do it? Just be ready for it not to be an epiphany… 

Or “happiness is not having what you want, it’s wanting what you have”.  I can’t tell you who said that because I’ll snigger. 
Oh go on then, it was Rabbi Hyman apparently…

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