Sometimes I forget that Daphne is two, and rhyme and reason do not exist. So when I find myself getting annoyed and flustered, I try to remember that she has been on this earth a mere 30 months, and she thinks her shoes are going to eat her feet.
This morning I overheard her dad explaining that "you can't always have everything you want" and laughed, as I have tried to say exactly the same, but all a two year old hears is "No no no! We hate you!"
Here are a few more translations, I know they are true because of the reactions I get from her.
I say: "Just one cake."
She hears: "You can never eat cake again, in fact I'm going to starve you and you will die."
I say: "Can you get your coat on please?"
She hears: "We're leaving and you will never see any of your toys again."
I say: "Bathtime!"
She hears: "Time to rub shampoo into your eyes and then drown you, yay!"
It's not "we're going shopping today", its "Today I'm trapping you in a metal cage on wheels and showing you lots of pretty or tasty things you can't have".
And of course at bedtime
"Your father and I are leaving. You need to stay here in the dark on your own and you can never play or eat again. Quite frankly you're lucky to have a dummy. You have these eerie looking soft toys to talk to for however long you survive on your own. Goodbye!"